Thursday, August 6, 2009

Will someone flush Facebook already?

I never have the time to read anymore, which is why I really like public bathrooms. Once in a while you get into a stall, you take your seat, and the next thing you know you are practically in a Borders.

Most times its a lot of gibberish. It's mainly just vandalism that is supposed to be "an artist expressing himself" (ooh-la-f'n-la). But a lot of times its some really interesting conversations. Yes, conversations!

"But how can there be a conversation on a wall?"
"Haven't you ever heard of AIM?"

It's like a dirty version of playing chess by mail. One person writes, another responds, they respond back, lives are threatened, things are sucked, numbers are given out (for those wanting a good time), and the world keeps turning.

When you think about it, Facebook could potentially turn into a bathroom stall. Everyone has "walls" that people write on, and there is very little stopping people from writing whatever they want. Sure, you could find it and delete it if its on your wall, but between the time its written and the time you get rid of it, one of your friends is going to have to "go do poopie" and see it.

There is an idea for an application: WallPoop. Sure, we have Super Poke, but having an app called WallPoop brings so many possibilities. You get a notification when you sign in and its like:

"Bob just pooped on your wall! Click here to poop on his!"

Super Poke could still work just as well though, plus its a little more open ended.

"Jane boinked you in the tush at 7:35pm. Click here to boinked in the tush back!"

The more I think of it the more I think Facebook is a pervert.

Back to the real bathroom stalls. I wonder what a janitor does when they see that first bit of vandalism after they got rid of all the old stuff. My guess is take a dunk in the toilet. After all, if they are doing their job efficiently, then it should be sanitary.

So here is your Old Cranston Saying: Eat more bran to become more social...and become a fan of WallPoop.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

File under: death and Oreos at 2:00am

I had a very odd dream last night. I can only remember a few details, plus the fact that when it woke me up, I wanted to write it down. I honestly don't know how people keep a dream journal. I'd try and still be so tired it would start to turn into a grocery list or something.

"There was a giant alligator and was chasing me, and it wanted eggs...milk...ham...cereal..." Apparently I buy a lot of breakfast food.

Anyway, I dreamt that I was in some sort of dining hall and that I saw the late actor Peter Boyle (Frank from Everybody Loves Raymond as well as a slew of other great roles). I saw him and then I looked over to someone next to me, and I was about to mention something about Peter Boyle. Suddenly, he rushes over going "No! Don't talk about that!" I responded with "But you worked with Brando. What's wrong with that?" I don't even know if he worked with Brando, but in my dream I thought he did. Apparently so did he because that wasn't the thing I couldn't talk about. From there, it was just an incomprehensible rant.

But wait! Now it's going to get weird!

He then went over to Dr. Drew (?!?!) to talk about how he felt about being dead. He knew he was dead! I don't remember anything else after that. All I can say is that eating really late will do this to you. I'm sure of it.

I realize many people fear death, but this dream made me wonder what the dead would fear. According to my dream, I am guessing that they would fear their own reputation and how they will be remembered when all is said and done.

I don't fear my own death, at least not at this point in my life. I think its true that, when you are young, you sort have this sense of being invincible. You know that you can get hurt, but you don't think it will be the way that you will go. Maybe that's how we deal with the fear. But it is certainly common for older people to think about it more. In my case, I get caught up in the death of others. I probably fear their death more than they do in some cases.

Here's the thing, folks. We can't be afraid of death because we can't do anything about it. We have to accept that its going to happen and that in some cases it is necessary. Perhaps we don't fear death, but the fact that we don't know what comes next. All we can do is choose to believe what happens and just do the best we can before that.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Grow up and go to bed

Before I get into the main part of this post, I just wanted to say that if you haven't checked out Kacie Kinzer's tweenbots project for the ITP program at Tisch, you are missing out on something extremely unique. And if you happen to live in that area, keep an eye out for it.


At the age of 25, one would hope to have a certain degree of maturity, at least compared to a few years ago.

Let me just say that 22 had potential to be a great year. The set-up was there. It was the end of college, a summer in an area that was a plane ride away from home, and I was basically moving into the world on my own. I had my friends and people that I cared about, but there was a sort of clean slate feeling. My days at MCLA were now behind me and there was no telling what would happen next. Ideas perhaps, but nothing was certain. It turned out to be not so great.

I don't know what is making me think of that time either. Something just came into my head earlier in the evening and it made me have sort of a revelation about growing older and taking responsibility for one's life. I really don't want to make this extremely personal, but I have a feeling there is little ways around that.

Probably the biggest events that happened in my life during that year happened in Ohio. Ohio turned out to be a very big, emotional growth. It was a development so big that you might even think that I enjoy reflecting on it, but I really don't. I'd like to, but it's seldom positive.

For some reason, one of the biggest things that sticks with me from that time was the fact that I gotten the drunkest I had ever been in my life. It sounds stupid, but it's one of those events in a person's life that is sort of fun to remember. I was at a bar in Tuscarawas County where they served Long Island Ice Tea that was both very strong and very cheap. I didn't have more than one, but I did have some beer after. I was basically in the clouds. I'm certain I was having a great time, yet for some reason I kept apologizing to people for being intoxicated. Why was I sorry? Everyone was getting wasted and they were not sorry. When I got back home, I was literally brought into my room and told to go to bed. That doesn't happen frequently to a 22 year old, not even by parents. But here I was, being told to go to bed. About five minutes later, after getting into pajamas, my restless self went next door. Why the hell should I go to be anyway. Pretty soon after, I found my energy just crashing and a great need to use the bathroom. I didn't get sick, thankfully, but I felt like I was going to fall asleep. By the time I mustered the strength to get out of the bathroom, I only made it to the kitchen, literally telling myself "break time". But soon after I went to bed.

Again, the one thing that sticks with me there is wondering why I was sorry. I guess it comes down to who I was saying it to. I had met a girl in Ohio. We didn't go out "officially", but whatever we were doing was a close second. We liked each other a lot at the time and, despite the fact that I should have known better, I thought I was falling in love with her. I say thought because now I know that I wasn't. I didn't get what love was at the time. What 22 year old really would? People that age and younger might think I am wrong and are fully capable of knowing love, which might be true. Someone younger may indeed be capable, but being capable isn't enough. Because I can promise you that by 22 you don't know the opposite of love yet, which in this case is heartbreak. When I left Ohio, and when I left this girl, I was extremely upset. Me being upset got her upset. The result is running on three years of not a single word spoken. The saddest part about that is I'm sure we are both fine with that. Probably more than fine.

No one really likes to admit that they hate someone. How can you? What kind of person are you to completely want to shut another person out? It's revolting. The idea of denying the existence of someone just as worthy as yourself is mind boggling. But it happens anyway. People hate one another. I'd like to think people love more people than they hate, or at least I am hopeful that is the case. Unfortunately, despite three years, I think I might hate this person when I should be feeling a lot of other things. I should be feeling thankful for making me go through all that and know what is true. I should just be done with it. I'm way past what I thought was the love, why not the hate?

Again, I don't know what made me think of this person again, or even this time in my life. But rather than just thinking back and wanting to shake it off, I thought of why I haven't stopped hating. I thought about why I haven't really finished growing up after three years, at a time where I should perhaps be older than I am. I've wondered in my head if this person and I still talked. If we were able to just drop a hello once in a while and ask each other about the people who surround us today. Why don't we ask each other who has our hearts? Instead, I wonder why the bridge is not just burnt but still on fire. I thought I became the better person out of all this, and now I'm convinced that I am not.

For anyone reading this, take my advice and don't get into a situation like this. We all need to start being thankful for who we are and for the people in our lives that make living great and meaningful. While we might have been slightly shaped from hatred, we can keep the shape and drop the emotion. I wonder if I've held on to the emotion for too long and now I have to keep it, like a scar. If you are able to shake it, do it. Shake it off any way you can. Run, jump, dance, just do something. Save your emotion for the better things and then offer it to the people who deserve it.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

A letter to my fellow artists

Dear fellow artists,

You are all pricks. I repeat, pricks.

But that's alright. I'm one too.

The reason all said artists (which include, but are not limited to: actors, painters, comedians, musicians, singers, circus performers, mimes, and prostitutes) are pricks is mainly due to a selfish nature. As artists, we pretty much turn out to be selfish even when we don't want to be. Because at the end of the day, we want to know who liked my routine, who heard my song, who commented on my painting, and of course, the grand daddy of them all..."when do I get paid?"

To be fair, this situation is kind of out of our control. There is nothing wrong with putting together a work for the right reasons. It doesn't matter to me if it's to reach a particular group, or if it's to say something meaningful, or even if it's to just entertain a crowd. In the end, you're all dandy. A-number one. I'm very proud of you and I mean that despite any sarcastic tone. But with those hopes of meaning and outreach come hopes of putting food on our respective tables. Perhaps we even want to feed a whole family with what we do. And if being an artist is what we do, then we need to be selfish in order for people to pay attention and, in turn, pay us. Most artists are all for free art, but even those advocates accept donations (which, again, I don't have a problem with). Our calling as artists almost forces us to be selfish.

Is there a cure for this? The answer falls between "perhaps" and "sort of". We want to get paid, meaning we want people to pay attention to us, meaning we need to take hold of something. Let's all say it together:


To an artist, initiative is an ugly word, especially when you throw in the money factor. This is because artists are generally not businesspeople. We don't want to deal with W-2s or 401ks or any of that jazz. We want to support ourselves with what we do and we pick up this mentality and attitude that if we are talented enough things are just going to start happening. For some, it does work out that way. But for most, it's because the initiative kicks in.

The other unfortunate thing with initiative is that you have to "take" it. Artists don't so much take as they do create. Many of us make something out of nothing and this creation is fueled by something almost unexplainable. Initiative is explainable, and it can be explained best as "work". When artists aren't creating, we're generally lazy. We don't see what we do as "work" and therefore we don't see any need to "work", especially when we aren't creating. When else are we going to take our break?

I am fortunate enough to know potential non-pricks. In particular:

An individual who tirelessly went from job to job since graduating college and now works steady for Disney.

And an individual who recently earned his graduate degree and will not accept anything less than he deserves.

We may not be businesspeople, but we need to all understand is that art is, among other things, a business. To have a successful business, you have to give a lot in order to get a lot, which takes initiative.

I am at a point where I need to take initiative, and I hope to God it actually happens.

So to all my fellow pricks, let's get this done.

Now you too can work for Harlequin

I realized today that there is a very easy and effective way to add about eight layers of cheese to any story. It's all possible with one line and I'm about to reveal that line to you. It is:

"We made passionate love that very night."

Indeed. Because let's face it, sex is usually pretty funny. At least it's funny when it is in a random context, I think. When you think about it, it's very similar to the "in bed" rule for fortune cookies. While it may not be as compact, and as we are about to see it makes a horrible acronym, WMPLTVN is good for an inner monologue or perhaps even a story. Let's cook up an example:

"I was walking to my car from Hallmark as another woman was about to cross into the parking along with me. The woman did not seem to be paying attention as a car was speeding down the road. Luckily, I was able to say 'excuse me, miss' and stop her just in time."

There you have it. An everyday incident that could quite happen. Now to cheese it up and perhaps make it humorous.

"I was walking to my car from Hallmark as another woman was about to cross into the parking along with me. The woman did not seem to be paying attention as a car was speeding down the road. Luckily, I was able to say 'excuse me, miss' and stop her just in time.

We made passionate love that very night."

Whoa now! Did you see what just happened? This may have been a poor example, however, as the danger of the speeding car might have influenced love making. Let's try something else.

"I was waiting by the bus stop and realized I forgot my watch. I asked a gentleman next to me if the bus was running late. He told me we still had a couple of minutes before it was technically late."


"I was waiting by the bus stop and realized I forgot my watch. I asked a gentleman next to me if the bus was running late. He told me we still had a couple of minutes before it was technically late.

We made passionate love that very night."


Please feel free to help me think of a good term for using this phrase. Perhaps you and I can make an Internet sensation.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Put it on my tab

I am currently at the SOTPlayhouse working behind the bar. Unfortunately it is a bit slow tonight. I'll be playing tomorrow night and hopefully there will be a bigger crowd.

Things are coming to a close. I'm almost done at Black Rep, Kaleidoscope stuff will start soon, and I'll be starting summer hours at my job next week. Good stuff, especially the job part. It will be nice to save some money for once.

It is weird watching an improv show. There is a great want to just jump up there. However the small crowd, while energetic, can be discouraging. We should have better crowds by now. One day. It takes patience.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

She said that he wanted me to tell you that it isn't's me...or least that's what I heard...

I got an interesting phone call from my girlfriend Jamie moments ago. Apparently our relationship of nearly two years is over. No explanation. It's just over.

At least, that's what she heard.

Indeed, somehow my relationship with Jamie has become ammo for the rumor cannon. Although I am not exactly sure why.

Allow me to bring those of you playing the home game up to speed. I met Jamie through our mutual friend Frank. One night, Jamie and Frank were out and I called Frank about something. After our conversation, Jamie asks who it was.

"Oh, just my friend Ryan. I went to MCLA with him and he lives in this area."
" he gay?" (She asks this because Frank's gay and has many gay friends. Somehow a breeder passed his barbed wire.)
"No, he's straight."
" he single?"
"Yes, I think so."
"OH! Is he cute?"
"He's like a younger, much more sober Robert Downey Jr."

Alright, everything from the first Downey line was made up. However, Frank did end up showing Jamie a picture of me and I got the thumbs up. There seemingly wasn't an opportunity to meet up, however, so Jamie actually knew who I was for about a month and I didn't even know who she was. Fast-forward to a day at Rhode Island College. I'm dropping off papers to apply for an MFA program thinking "Frank goes here. I wonder if I'll see him." Sure enough, I run into Frank.

"So Ryan, how's your love life?"
"Well, I know a girl that goes here that would like to meet you."
"She's not here right now."
"But we'll get together soon. Her name is Jamie."

Soon was not soon enough. So I did the only sensible thing and tried to find her on Frank's MySpace (STALKER!). Jamie is one of the top friends. Cue my awkward, middle school-esque, message:

"Hi, my name is Ryan. I'm a friend of Frank's. I hope this is the right Jamie, but...I don't know if you wanted to go to the prom or something. If not, that's cool! I'll just hate you!!! LOL!!!!1"

OK, so it wasn't that, but I did send a message and it was the right Jamie. Pretty soon we did get together for a nice evening at Frank's. Soon after that I had gone to see her perform in A Chorus Line for a community theater. And then after that I asked her out on some actual dates. The rest, as they say, is history.

I can honestly say that things are great between us and our relationship is very strong. Testament to this statement is the fact that for a good portion of the relationship Jamie has been working in upstate NY. I'd go down to visit from time to time and she would also be home around the holidays, but generally she was five hours away. Regardless, we are very happy and wouldn't ask for anything else.

Somehow, someone saw this nice picture of a good relationship and said "I know, let's f%ck with this!"

I'm not sure who started the rumor, but apparently Frank has already been on the case. He's been making calls back and forth and traversing this web of lies, deceit, betrayal, and murder. Again, I'm exaggerating, but Frank wants to figure this out.

Jamie had been a tad upset, but not really. I just found it curious more than anything. Mainly I wondered who would want to say that in the first place. But the search is on.

This besmirchment will be avenged!

At least, I hear it will be avenged.

Friday, March 20, 2009

New poem on the blog

I just need to keep doing all these different blogs, don't I?

I have somewhat inactive blog just for poetry. It's been pretty inactive for a while now, but I found a site online that offers free poetry classes and decided to give it a try.

My first assignment involved writing a poem, which I decided to put up on my poetry blog. Not sure how good it is, but I might as well put it up.


Thursday, March 19, 2009

Blog updates

Hey all.

Just posted a new blog for the Kaleidoscope Theatre blog. Be sure to check it out and get a little insight of what its like working with the Cranston-based children's theatre.

Also, be sure to take a look at the SOTP blog, the official blog of The Speed of Thought Players.

Get readin'!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Ramblings from a rambling kind of guy

Just some random thoughts to share...

I just came back from Watchmen. Whew! I'm glad I finally saw it. I've been waiting to see this movie for ages, way before it came out. I have to say that it was well worth the wait. For those of you worried that it would be too different from the graphic novel, it's pretty true to the source. All in a "compact" 2 hours and 45 minutes! The wonders of movie magic, folks.

My tenure at RIC feels like its coming to a close at rapid pace. I'm almost through year 2 (of 3) and today we had a meeting about our final projects. The two main things that seem to need approval are the budget and the space. I don't think my budget is unreasonable, however I would sincerely like to perform on campus. Yet I am receiving word that two of the possible open spaces are "crap". That's right. Two steaming piles of dog doo. Lovely.

It was great seeing Jamie this past weekend. She was down here for NETCs (that's New England Theatre Conference for those of you playing the home game), which are held in Natick, MA, and I went down to see her. Unfortunately the trip to Natick took much longer than it should have. I had to stop on the highway to double check the exit and the clerk at the gas station sent me west when I needed to go east. I realize I should have just known from the get-go, yet a trip that would have taken 1 hour and 15 minutes took nearly 2 and a half. Oy...but a good time was had by all. I didn't have to rush out on Sunday despite having a show in Saugus that afternoon and I also got to see my buddy Frank.

I've been doing a ton of stuff with Kaleidoscope lately. Enough to warrant another blog entry with them, seeing that I haven't done one in a while. I just did a show of Little Red and there is a performance of BULLY this Thursday. This is on top of some other performances going on, including helping (a different) Frank with a performance, taking part in an MFA final, and the Barker Playhouse gala. Such high demand, yet most of it is free work. As in free on my end.

Some of you may be aware of a movie that is haunting my life. It. Will. Not. Die. Apparently I got to deal with some contract BS and I get to (da, da-da, DA) film some more! Kill me! Slowly and painfully! With something blunt, like a ladle.

That's all for now.

Friday, March 13, 2009

I'm sort of a blog polygamist

While I realize I don't seem to do general blogs a lot, I do contribute to some other ones. Specifically, I contribute to the blog for The Speed of Thought Players, an improv troupe I perform with. This past Friday's show was a particularly special one called "Blogs, Brews, and Belly Laughs", where a local Internet blogger named Drew, who runs a blog at, joined in the festivities, setting up a meet-and-greet for other bloggers to get together and network. Later, he even helped set-up a live webcast of the show. Be sure to check his stuff out at his website.

I decided to join in with the bloggers and even did some blogging myself during the show. I put up a few entries which you can check out at the SOTP Blog.

I'll let you all know when other stuff goes up if you are interested in reading them.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Send me a tweet sometime

Just to let everyone know, I've started using Twitter for those quick little updates. If anyone has a Twitter account, let me know where I can find it so I can follow you updates. If you want to follow mine, I'm at:

I'll try and actually blog something substantial soon. But then again I always say that...

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The man with the golden debate

My class was canceled on Wednesday, which apparently gave me time to go to the to speak.

I find out my class isn't canceled after I had already gotten to school, so I take the opportunity to check my e-mail. On a whim I check my RIC e-mail, which I rarely do, and see that there is an open forum being held that day by the RIBGHE (Rhode Island Board of Governors for Higher Education). The forum is to discuss the possibility of arming the security guards on campus.

dun Dun DUN!!!

My first thought is "this should be entertaining". I suppose this was my theatre side talking. For some reason I thought that this had the possibility of being very theatrical. I was right.

I head down to the forum and one of the first things I do is take out my journal. I recently received this journal from Jamie as a Christmas gift and I try and use it for when creative ideas come to me. There are a lot of notes for a book Jamie and I are trying to work on, ideas for sketches, poems, and other things of the sort. I figured I was sitting in on a gold mine of ideas, or at least I would be observing some great stuff.

The forum started with the board welcoming everyone and providing us with some statistics from the past several years. They were also making some things clear concerning the meeting. They weren't going to talk during this meeting. The point was to record testimonies and gather the opinions of the school members. Everyone speaking would have five minutes.

I ended up being one of those speakers. My only problem was that I had to decide whether I was "pro" or "con". In reality, I was still on the fence. I don't have a problem with them being armed or not. I would prefer that they use non-lethal weapons, which the board said that they were considering. Seeing that I didn't think the subject should just be dismissed, I spoke for the "pro" group. My main points were that we can't decide this based on what we are afraid of, we should give the guards a big say on things, and that if the guards can do the best that they can without weapons, let's leave it, but if not we should perhaps consider arming them. Not necessarily the argument for the "pro" side, but it was the truth.

There were a few other students that spoke were all on the "con" side, although there were only three other students. Apparently the word about the meeting didn't get out soon enough. While they all made valid points and had reasonable arguments, two of the students didn't really represent their side well. One of them, a woman, was upset because there was no one on from the school on the board and that there was no women there. While I can guess why that can be upsetting, the thing is that the board was composed mostly of state officials. These are elected officials being placed in as opposed to a board being put together. There would have been a woman if one was voted into one of the positions.

That didn't get to me as much as the next guy.


Completely nuts. Started his argument yelling. "I am disgusted that this is even being discussed." Uh...good morning! If it wasn't being discussed you wouldn't have a say at all, so try to choke down that vomit, guy. There were many parts of his argument that weren't so much facts as they were conspiracy theories. "If this happens, tuition is going to go up, students who graduate won't get jobs to pay it off, and they will commit suicide!!!"



Another interesting phrase was that "this is a militarization of our school"., not really. A militarization would be something along the lines of everyone wearing uniforms, learning similar things among our specialties, and so on. Something like, oh, I don't know, the military? Hmmm. Another annoying factor was that every time he said something "smart", his friends would snap their fingers like beatniks. Yes, because the audible snapping is much more discreet than the just as audible clapping. I hope the stenographer didn't have type them all in.

The worst was that nearly everyone was assuming that arming of the guards meant guns. If they listened before hand, they would have heard that non-lethal was being considered. But I suppose people with their own agendas don't really listen to others often. Not to mention everything that was being said was based on being afraid of something, which I had guessed would happen.

The experience continued today when I saw a sign on the doors of one of the buildings. It said that "now the board of governors wants to give the guards the ability to shoot people". Sounds like a statement from someone who has no idea what the guards are there for.

What can I say except that it was a very interesting experience. I guess I shouldn't have expected too much less from such a, if you will excuse the pun, loaded subject. Now I just have to be on the lookout for the students from the "con" side so they don't beat me down...non-violently, of course.